Today, I was thinking a lot about my life: as a consequence of OCD I am also suffering from some kind of depression. However, many people would say that my depression is a kind of first world problem as I have always had a nice life and nothing to complain about.
So as I have mentioned above, today on my way home from work I started to think about my life. I was asking myself what it was worth living for as my OCD is killing me and I simply can not get rid of all the obsessive thoughts – and of course, just like many other people who are suffering from OCD, I would ask myself the typical “what if” question – this time it was the one with “what if I committed suicide”, however, today the whole conversation with myself ended up differently.
I imagined what it would be like to commit suicide and obviously I was afraid of the thought itself but instead of worrying too much about it – as I would usually do – I just asked myself why I worried over so insignificant things all my life and I actually imagined what if this would be the last day of my life, so just like the title says: what if there is no tomorrow?
I have been thinking about this ever since I asked myself this question, and finally I could answer myself: if there was no tomorrow, I would obviously enjoy this day much more, as I would know that there would be absolutely no consequences of my actions. Obviously, you should not think that I am planning to do anything horrible, but  I think people with OCD will perfectly understand my feelings, the moments when you keep worrying about everything even though you know that you are not being rational.
Imagining the this would be the last day of my life helped a lot while dealing with my OCD: everytime I had an obsessive thought, I would just force myself to enjoy this day without thinking too much about the future: anyway, nobody is capable of controlling everything and I think this insecurity is one of the reasons why I have this horrible anxiety disorder, but on the other hand: why would I want to control everything and to live in perfect security if I just can not enjoy my life? And why would I want to act on all my obsessive thoughts and keep thinking about them if I know perfectly that they are not rational?
So this afternoon was not like others: instead of focusing on OCD, I was spending time walking in the city and exploring the things which I have not been able to enjoy for the last few weeks.
I would suggest all people with OCD to imagine that this day would be the last day of their lives and to enjoy every moment – worrying about everything will not solve any problems and think about all the moments, days and years that you have wasted because of your OCD. All the trips that you could not enjoy because you were afraid of catching a dangerous disease or the food that you could not eat because you would be afraid of developing an allergy.
So yes, that’s it,  I just wanted to share this with you. 🙂


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