So, as I’ve mentioned earlier, I do not only write about the obsessions that I have in this particular period of my life but also about the things that I used to be scared of and also about the experiences of my friends.
And today I decided to write about one of the biggest fears that I had as a teenager – and that’s a fear of blinding myself. Sounds shocking right?
Before I start telling the whole story, you need to know that I wear contact lenses. It’s an important thing to mention because that’s how this whole fear started.
So one day, I’d just put my contact lenses in – just like any other time. And while putting them in, I accidentally hurt one of my eyes. I guess for those who have OCD already have an idea how the story will continue from here:
I had a sudden thought – what if one day, I’ll hurt my eyes intentionally – or even worse, what if one day, I’ll want to blind myself?
This thought appeared – and afterwards, It’d simply never go away. And that’s how a whole new chapter started in my life. My fear of blinding myself was so strong that I couldn’t even sleep properly and I had to stop wearing contact lenses as I’d not have been able to put them in or take them out.
Obviously, the story is still not over. The whole story started with just one single obsessive thought but the fear started to actually overtake my whole life. I started to have rituals and I was hoping that they’ll stop me from gouging out my eyes.
One of them was asking my family members to tie my hands before I go to sleep. But after some time this wouldn’t help either as I was thinking of all possible ways how I could theoretically get rid of the ropes and still hurt my eyes.
And it went on for a few months, but let me tell you what I did to overcome this particular fear: I decided to systematically expose myself to all the things I’m afraid of and to all the situations that’d make me think about blinding myself. So, I started to wear lenses again, I stopped asking my family to tie my hands and I left all the knives on the kitchen table (yes, I also considered a knife to be a very dangerous object as one can easily bline oneself with it…).
The beginning of my journey was terribly difficult, but it was worth it.
Sometimes, I have the impression that OCD will never ever leave me, but the fact that I could overcome one of my biggest fears as a teenager is actually helping me a lot and is keeping me motivated as It kind of shows me that nothing is lost.
Please do not hesitate to share your success stories in the comment section! 🙂